Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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