Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
