K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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