we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
