Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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