I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just cut my nipple shaving
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
