we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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