I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
