like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
