I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
