Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
