I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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