You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
