I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
