he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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