I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
