He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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