made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
