she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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