Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
