A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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