maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
