Your face is a jimmy john
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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