he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
