i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
