i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
