I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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