it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
