there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
