Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
it's like iHOP with fire
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
