Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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