i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
