you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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