Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
