If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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