Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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