I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
