and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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