you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
