i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
