things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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