it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
