There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
