I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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