dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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