so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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