I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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