Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
