elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
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