I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
