kristin has been a bad kristin
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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