I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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