I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
